A Mother's Love

Today is 09/09/09, and it also would have been my mom's 58th birthday. Maybe it's all the hormones, but this year I find myself missing her more than usual. Five years ago, I thought getting married without my mother there would be the hardest thing I'd ever do. Boy was I wrong. Having a baby without my mother here is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do without her. There's been so many times during my pregnancy that I've wanted to ask my mom, "did this happen to you?" I can't even begin to tell you how many of my friends have told me that they never could have gotten through the first few weeks with a newborn without their mothers, or that the most important thing to have after coming home from the hospital was the help of their mothers. It's not that I don't have a good support network. I have a loving husband, wonderful friends, and a caring mother-in-law. It's just that sometimes you want your own mother. There's not a single person in the world that can take her place. We all know that feeling you have when you're sick, and you just want your mom there to make you feel better.

Luckily when I grew up my mom used to tell me lots of stories. She told me about her pregnancy with me and about my birth. She said she had such an easy labor and delivery with me, that she could "have had another baby the next day". I guess the ease ended there, because she also said I was quite a terror as an infant. Even back then I wouldn't sleep. She said I was afraid that I was going to miss something. I didn't want to go to anyone but my mom. I'd scream my head off if she tried to hand me off to anyone else. I guess I just knew what I wanted. While it's nice to know all those things, there is so much more I want to know.

It's hard for me to imagine my mother as a grandmother. I can only see her as that beautiful, young, active, person in the prime of her life. Not that I don't think she would make a wonderful grandmother. I know she would. In fact she would be fantastic, especially to a little boy. She'd teach him about nature, and the outdoors, and do all the things she used to do with my brothers and me. She'd take him into the woods to catch tadpoles and caterpillars and wait for them to change into frogs and butterflies. They'd go on bike rides and hikes and to museums and have all kinds of adventures. She'd teach him how to fix things like her dad taught her, and even how to bake. On those quiet lazy days she'd teach him about her love of books, math and science. Their time together would never be boring, just like our's never was.

For me, losing my mother has been like the worst broken heart you can ever imagine. Except it's one that never heals. You might mend the break slightly, and learn to live beside it, but there will always be that hole right in the middle that never fully goes away. My hope is that becoming a mother myself, and giving my own child some of the love my mother gave to me, will help mend the break ever so slightly.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

Today Jim and I are celebrating five whole years of wedded bliss. It's hard to believe that it's been that long. I'm so glad we've had these past five years to grow as a couple. It's been an interesting five years filled with many ups, and a few downs. We've lived in four different places, in two different states. I've had three different jobs, Jim's had two. We've travelled to more places than I can even count. We've added one dog and are just weeks away from adding our first child. Right now life seems pretty close to perfect.


Here's some highlights from the last five years.

Our honeymoon in Hawaii. I don't think we could have chosen a more perfect place to spend our first two weeks as husband and wife.


Our first anniversary trip to Aruba.

New Year's 2006 trip to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.

Cruise to the Bahamas March 2007.

Venice June 2007.

Enjoying some vino in Tuscany.

On top of the Duomo in Florence. Showing Jim why it's my favorite city in the world.
Looking out at all of Rome from the top of St. Peter's.

Exploring Roman ruins.


Below the Spanish Steps.

The day we adopted Max and our lives changed forever. It's hard to believe he was ever that tiny!


Fourth of July 2008 at Emerald Isle Beach.

Attending a wedding in New York City September 2008.
Trip to Seattle October 2008. On the ferry to Bainbridge Island with the Space Needle in the background.

Another relaxing trip to Florida in April 2009.

I can't wait to see what the next five years have in store for us and our growing family. We're off to celebrate in Charleston over the long weekend. Happy Labor Day!

I'm Back Baby!

Maybe it was the extra hard landing that my pilot made on my flight into Corning last week that bumped my hip back into place, or maybe my physical therapist is just the biggest miracle worker around. I'm not quite sure what did it, and frankly I don't care, but I'm actually walking again without tremendous pain. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am. Not to mention how much more pleasant I am to be around. Just ask Jim or Greg. Last Saturday I was even able to take a 30 minute walk with Jim and Max. On Sunday we increased it to 40 minutes. At this rate I might even get back to my hour long walks. I'm not fast, but I'm moving, and that's really all I care about. I'm even back on the elliptical! The pain is not completely gone, but it is such an improvement and something that I didn't think I'd see for a very long time. So thank you, thank you, thank you to whoever or whatever it was that helped me! The picture above is the most recent belly pic taken at 32 weeks. We're getting closer!

Rookie of the Year

Well we've made it to 31 weeks, and instead of the usual bump shot I decided to post a pic of my new favorite shirt, a gift from Michelle. Isn't it cute? Thanks Michelle!

There's not too much news to report this week. I spent the past week travelling for work, and while it wasn't ideal at this point in my pregnancy, it didn't end up being too bad. While I was away I got to make two trips to Wegman's which just might be my favorite place on earth. It's a little scary how excited I get over a grocery store. Travelling on the corporate jet does make things quite a bit easier, but still this better be my last trip for awhile.

Since my hip/back isn't getting any better, my doctor sent me to physical therapy which I started today. I had to break the news to the chiropractor that I wouldn't be returning, and wow did they take it hard. I've never seen anything quite like it. It was like breaking up with a boyfriend that just won't get the hint and go away. Anyway, physical therapy seemed to go well. The therapist gave me some exercises for strengthening my pelvis around my sacroiliac joint and taught me some techniques to make walking easier. She also massaged the affected area which was worth the co-pay alone. I can honestly say I see an improvement in my walking already. I'm really hoping this works, because other than voodoo, I'm not sure there is anything else I can try.

We started our baby and childbirth classes last Monday. Jim and I now know how to feed, swaddle and bathe a baby, and we also learned infant CPR. Let's just hope we never need it. I've also started experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions. Talk about strange. I made Jim feel my belly during one of them, and he was amazed at how tight everything gets. Our little guy is also kicking more than ever these days. His favorite time to be active is right when I lay down to go to sleep. Let's hope this is not going to become a pattern after birth!

Men at Work

Last weekend most of our nursery furniture arrived, and we started to put everything in place. Greg had previously painted the room, and I have to admit he did a really great job, and I usually don't like to give him compliments. On Sunday Jim and Greg put up the matching border, and now that it's complete it looks fantastic. Here they are hard at work.

We now know why wallpapering went out of style. It is such a pain until you get the hang of it.

I did what I do best - give orders. I made them move each piece of furniture in at least five or six different arrangements until settling on the one we started with originally!

The finished product. Does Greg look excited or what?

Starting to look like a nursery. Notice Max in the corner. He never wants to miss a thing.

We tried and tried to get the bumper to fit, but it just wouldn't work with the crib's posts, so we gave up on it. We decided looking good wasn't going to be worth it at 3am when we have to remove the bumper and the mattress to change wet or dirty sheets.

Max trying out the crib. Much to our relief he didn't like it, so we don't have to worry about him jumping into the crib and dragging the baby out to the woods like my grandfather warned us he might.

So we're making good progress on the nursery. Our glider is in, and we are just waiting on a new nightstand because the first one arrived completely damaged. Now all we need is the baby!

Weekend Update

Jim and I made it back from another whirlwind trip to Western New York last weekend. It was a fabulous trip, and we got to see more family and friends than we have in a long time. The big event of the weekend was Jon and Alicia's wedding. Jim did an outstanding job as Best Man, although he said it was more stressful than being the Groom! Everyone seemed to have a great time at the reception, and I even danced (more like attempted to move my upper body while trying to keep my hips still) a little bit. I'm sure it was quite a sight. Hopefully the newlyweds are enjoying their honeymoon in Aruba. Here's a few shots from the big day.


The Best Man and the Groom before the ceremony still looking rather calm.

The new Mr. and Mrs. and future godparents to Baby Lilley.

The McMahons minus Sean, plus Mindy.

The proud parents to be, but I guess you know who we are.

The first dance.

The Catanzaro sisters looking as beautiful as ever.

Jim's cousins Missy and Mindy on the dance floor.

Best Man and Maid of Honor, two old friends who brought the Bride and Groom together.

Is it me, or do they look like they are up to no good?

Some of the lovely Lilley ladies.

More of the Lilley family.

The Nusbaums were also in town last weekend, so on Sunday Jim and I headed up to Lewiston where my friends threw us a little mini shower at Meaghan and Tony's. It was an awesome time, complete with LaHacienda pizza, Michael's salad, and some pretty cool decorations. It was great seeing old friends and their adorable little kiddos. Here we are decked out in our Mom and Dad to-be gear.

Jim practicing for fatherhood with adorable baby Carly. Notice the beer in one hand, child in the other.

Can you say cute? Alyssa, Michelle and Mike's daughter, with her new friend Carly, Rachel and Curt's daughter.

Rona and Rachel enjoying some of the best pizza in the entire world. Thankfully there were leftovers which made it back all the way to North Carolina!

We got more adorable gifts from our very generous friends! Thanks guys!!

Cutting our delicious cake! I still can't believe the size of the piece I ate.

Meaghan and I on her porch with the awesome stork balloons. I wonder how many of her neighbors think she just had a baby boy?

There's nothing better than old friends that are more like family. It's hard to believe that we have been friends for over twenty-five years! Thank you all for everything!!

So now that we are back in Charlotte it's easy to see why we are so exhausted. It was alot of excitement for one weekend, but it was all worth it. I'm not sure when we'll be back home again, but next time we are, we'll definitely have the little guy with us. Kind of hard to believe huh?!

Just Stuff

Well I went to the chiropractor last week and it turns out that I sprained some of the ligaments in my sacroiliac joint, which basically means I messed up my hip. The good news is this is very common in pregnancy, but the bad news is it's very painful, takes a long time to heal, and can stick around for quite a few months postpartum. So even though I was really hoping that I would be healed, I was not miraculously cured after my first treatment. In fact, I came home feeling worse! So far I have had two adjustments, and I am in more pain than I have been all along. I'm not sure if I believe in this chiropractic stuff. I'll give it another week, and then if I don't feel any improvement, I'm done.

My hopes of remaining active as long as possible have pretty much gone out the window. I was hoping to at least continue walking up until my due date, but walking is such a challenge now, and I have enough trouble just walking anywhere, that walking for exercise is out of the question. I am still taking prenatal yoga, which has been wonderful for relaxation, but it doesn't really feel like I'm doing anything. I know I shouldn't complain and things could be much worse. I am easily reminded of this when I think of my cousin Leslie who is expecting a baby girl on September 3rd, and has been in the hospital on bed rest for weeks now. So thank you Lolly for making me look on the bright side of my hip pain!

We are in Buffalo for Jon and Al's wedding this weekend and even though I won't be doing much dancing, I'm just glad that I can be there. We are taking a few days off from work to get in one last visit with family and friends. It's nice to just be away from work and the constant comments of my co-workers who seem infatuated by the size of my growing belly. At times I feel like an animal in the zoo with the looks and comments. Seriously if I hear one more person ask me if I am having twins, or if I'm sure my due date is really in October I'm going to kill someone. It's not funny people, or original in anyway. I swear these people have never seen a pregnant woman before. I don't know if they quite understand how big a woman's belly must get to grow a 7 or 8 pound person. Ok enough of my venting. Let's hope the wedding goes smoothly, and that I can waddle up to the altar to do the First Reading. Next time we are home, it will be with our little guy!